refinedwithfire

...so the "family" and i sat down to watch a movie last night after a day of gifts and too much food...THE FAMILY MAN with nic cage chosen because of its "family appropriateness" since anything with a rating over PG sends my mother-in-law into the next room with her bible...

in the movie nic cage has the perfect life of a selfish, successful business man complete with ferrari and a string of beautiful and incredible lovers...

he gets a call from his ex whom he was planning to build a life with but made one big choice that sent them both in an entirely different direction...away from each other, but really no closer to themselves...

the call sets him in to a fit of nostalgia...and he catches a "glimpse" of the life that he WOULD have had if he had chosen another path...

he wakes up next to his former lover and love of his life and he is married with 2 kids.  there is some considerable shock, of course, but then a slow resignation and finally a feeling of gratitude...then a feeling of absolute love, appreciation and enjoyment for his current "mundane" life filled with the hassles of fatherhood.

I first read this book in high school,
sometime between poetry and hospitalizations...
in a book called "Smart Cookies Don't Crumble."

Even then I was trying to hold myself together with "rubber bands and bubble gum" as a former lover once put it....

I don't remember the book at all,
but somewhere in the back of my mind,
I remembered the poem...
I just wish I could learn it and make it a part of my DAILY LIFE in how I relate to others and how I do (or DON'T) guard my heart!

So this year,
this is a promise to myself....

~~ After A While ~~
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and
presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child.

And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even the sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth

(and you learn with every goodbye you learn....after a while…)


THAT is my most important new year's resolution!

I wish you success in all of yours!

-T

OK...
I guess I was kinda "double dog dared" to do this so...

Let me know you're interested and:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

I am in class and bored!

I PASSED MY COMPS!!!

with a 96 none-the-less--
the national verage is an 87,
and the USF average was 92...

I am happy about that,
but overwhelmed by everything else.

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23®

Not exactly sure about what this says about me...

So, my shed is now in my backyard!
I am currently working on a grant application for an "Artist's Enhancement Grant" from the state of Florida.
As a result, I had to come up with an "Artist's Vision Statement."

This is what I am sending them,
but it,
like everything else in my life,
is a work in progress:

Artist Vision Statement:
I have always been fascinated by fire, enamored by its power to be both destructive and constructive. My work is about processes---the process of destruction, the process of construction and the process of refinement. Beginning with a rigid piece of glass that is both commonplace and ordinary, I am reminded that it is fire that enables us to move out of our conformity. And so it is with glass. As it becomes filled with fiery breath, it begins to have the freedom to evolve and move in the directions it is innately drawn to without inhibitions or restrictions.
During the construction process, I often layer on many different colors of glass as well as metals such as copper, fine silver and gold. Just as it is human nature to react and develop new characteristics as a result of our interactions with others, so is it the nature of glass to transform as new layers are added. The result is an organic majesty, that cannot be contrived or replicated. Herein lies refinement, that each human, each finished work of glass art, becomes what it was always destined to be by being pushed by fire to its limits---beautiful.

(As I said to someone earlier this day,
"there is a fine line between poetry and pretense.")(THAT will be on a T-shirt in my CAFEPRESS store soon!!!)

OH, and I actually have a gallery of sorts up on my site now!!!
http://www.refinedwithfire.com/WebpagesNew/index.html

OK...
No, I have not updated in a week...
and I have not written in my paper journal since Tuesday...
(apologies to the embodiment crowd!)

I just got back into town from 3 wonderful days of lampworking lunacy...
I took a class from Kimberly Affleck at Flame Tree Glass in Orlando, Fl.
and then,
I took a class from TINK in Cocoa.
These are the first 2 classes I have ever taken with artists who are "big name" artists.
Don't get me wrong, the other artists who have taught me were GREAT artists and wonderful people,
and their classes were great AND much less expensive...
but I really think that both of the classes I took were worth the investment.
Just to meet both Kim and TINK was worth the $!

They are both wonderful people with great hearts and generous souls.
(I love TINK and her partner and her entire philosophy on life,
I think I might adopt her as my new mentor!)
They are true artists whose life and work and speech and actions REFLECT love, beauty and creative energy.
(very much UNLIKE the "artist" (notice the quotes) I had dinner with the other night who refers to herself as an artist and then tell us that her children are in private school so that they can be with others who are "genetically pre-dispositioned to be successful...")

And then...
I went out with Amaya who really helped me clarify some things about the direction I want to go with my work.

Then...I drove home for 2.5 hours.
I did stop for a much needed pee-break...
and at the 3rd exit I stopped at,
I finally found a place that was open...Steak and Shake.
After I went to the restroom and came out,
I realized that the HOME DEPOT where my shed/ soon to be studio is was on the same block!!!
So,
like the crazy person I am I went and stood inside my shed for about 15 minutes---at 2 in the morning!

So, today I am catching up and making beads and sitting next to my kitten-Scruffy...Scruffle-Puff, who seems to have missed me a great deal.

I still have WAY too much to do and NO time to do it in,
but I am excited!

Ok,
so that was not anywhere near as difficult as I had anticipated!
Everyone kept telling me it was so hard.
In this situation I do not know whether I should be confident...
or scared of the possibility that I really missed something BIG!

I am so glad that is over.
Now the next 2 days will be devoted to makeup work for school.

But, I am going to procrastinate a little bit longer and go and make some beads now!

Ciao!

OH, by-the-way, I have actually been writing in my journal everyday this year thus far!

I did it,
I bought it!
A 12 x 10 shed to finish and transform into a lampworking studio!!!
I have ALWAYS dreamed about this,
having a space for my own creativity and such...
Even before I did lampwork,
when I was *just* writing and painting,
I envisioned a place like this.
It is going to take some work,
but I am going to LOVE every minute of it!

Ok,
It is late and I should be asleep.
I am not following my newly resolved schedule too well!
Bed at 10pm up at 6am...
What was I thinking?!?!?!

I made 10 beads tonight,
Hopefully a few of them will come out of the kiln pretty.
I got a new frit mix (small chips of glass)
and the only color I seem to be able to get from it is an icky metallic brown,
now,
I could be vainly "artistic" and call it RAKU...

I also tried to mix a blood red color of glass.
Mixing glass colors is always a challenge.
But,
some chic I know (wink) is getting hand-fasted in October and blood red beads will be a necessity.

Ok,
I am off to write in my paper journal,
as promised on embodiment,
and then go to bed.
I am still dreaming about the shed that I want to convert to a lampworking studio and totally avoiding the fact that I have my GRADUATE COMP EXAM on Saturday morning. (which means, no, as a matter of fact, I have NOT studied.) (Oh, god, I suck.)

Nite all!

It is 10pm,
and I am trying to decide whether or not I should go to bed or make beads.

My DH and I looked at a shed that would serve as a lampworking studio...
which would also have a place for me to make jewelry and a papasan chair for writing!
I am trying not to get too excited about it,
I want one, always have, but I also want the timing to be right.

I wrote 10 pages in my journal yesterday,
all about my goals and dreams for the next year.

I also worked with DH a while on some cool Cafe Press ideas.
He is a very talented artist,
and making money while doing something you love is always a good thing.

I am off to take another Tylenol with Codeine.

So,
journaling is on my list of New Year's Resolutions...
which I haven't actually taken the time to write yet!
(Maybe later today)
I am not sure what format my writing will be in,
in a day planner, on-line, or in the beautiful leather ruled journal I have carried around since May and written in less than a dozen times.

Moving forward with lampwork,
both making and selling is also on the list.
I have many things I want to learn and try and experiment with...In 2 weeks I am taking 2 classes with 2 wonderfully talented bead-artists,
Kimberly Affleck and Tink Martin.

I also have many business oriented things to do,
including set up bank accounts, take (AND POST!!!) pictures of my work regularly and start my website.
I am also looking into home parties...
(but now I need to find some friends,
or at least people with serious bead lust to host them!)

Ok,
I am off to change laundry around and make beads.

TTFN.